32 things
I remember having a conversation in my teens with a friend, about what our online lives would look like in our 30s. To teenage me, anyone using social media over the age of 25 felt embarrassing, garish and SAD (more meaning uncool, than actually upsetting. To be called sad, you have to understand, was devastating).
Obviously to my critically underdeveloped brain, there was only one thing to do as you reached adulthood: pretend you were never a person before now, delete all traces of your digital footprint and live out your days on a nice farm with all of the other “old people” - gently rotting away together and doing things like playing cards and shouting at clouds. Doesn't sound too terrible, really.
But what, like I was going to keep posting pictures of myself and writing in blogs when I had a career? A family?
...WELL. I've tenuously have at least one of the two - so here I am! I'm 33 years old today, and I am going to continue my decades long commitment of oversharing about myself on the internet. I have grown out of a lot during my time on this earth, but some things cling on - namely winged eyeliner, Green Day, and being terminally online.
Here's 32 things I learned on my 32nd year of being on this planet. Thank God I am still learning.
'All I know is that I don't know nothing' - I've learned so much and yet know so little. When I was 15, I would feel bereft that I wouldn't live long enough to read every book or listen to every album. I was heartbroken that those technical subjects like physics and chemistry alluded me and I'd never learn the secrets of our universe. Here's the thing, though, I craved knowing, but rarely would I put the work in to actually learn. I am now okay with not knowing much, because it turns out the learning never stops.
Operation Ivy were and are a criminally overlooked band (I've felt this since I was a teen but they always deserve a mention)
You will still experience new things in your 30's - for example: being let go from a part time job.
Doctors will take your unmedicated ADHD far more seriously, and give you back your medication, if you happen to lose your job specifically because of your ADHD symptoms.
5. Several many perspectives can all be correct to the people that hold them. That also doesn't mean that they're necessarily true, especially if it's about your character.
On the other hand, you don't have empathize with everybody - sometimes people are just gigantic dicks.
Everything that is comforting and delicious about bread, pasta, cakes and biscuits are due to one thing and one thing only: Gluten.
8. It is at 32 years old that I discovered that actually, I can't digest Gluten and all my digestive maladies are not a moral failure, but actually a metabolic one.
When you stop being able to digest Gluten, all you'll want to talk about is not being able to eat Gluten.
Some people will tell you that Gluten is a mix of two proteins that's present in wheat, malt, barley and rye - but you'll know it by its true form: Joy... and madness.
Some shampoo's have gluten in it, and that's probably why you keep breaking out in eczema on your scalp. Boo.
The bit you lick on envelopes also has gluten in it.
Ketchup? You guessed it, it can have gluten in it too.
Crisps are safe right? ACTUALLY NO. Because cross contamination is a thing, and most factories make more than just crisps.
You don't have pancreatitis - you've been glutened
Your ADHD medication hasn't stopped working, you've been glutened
Gluten makes you exhausted and causes cognitive problems and brain fog.
Some people will feel it's totally acceptable to say, “if I couldn't have (insert delicious gluteney dish here) I'd kill myself!” Not realising it's a total dingus thing to say. You were also once one of these people, you dingus.
Well-meaning people will tell you that there's loads of gluten free options now, and it's not that bad. These people are kind. They are also liars.
You learn that actually, you can cook. You're capable of putting together a few, quite tasty meals. You'll even start to want to cook for other people, and you'll offer to do so. Multiple times.
You even ENJOY cooking.
You don't 'hate exercise' - you hated the environments you had to do it in. You'll find your place in a small queer gym. You won't feel anxious about going, not even once. Actually, you love it.
You'll learn it's safe to have body and fitness goals.
You'll learn that you can be physically strong, and not only that YOU ARE.
It's enough to enjoy something, and not be excellent at it. Once you embrace this you start to have lots more fun.
Connection means inconvenience. You have to disrupt your life to fit other people in it.
If you want your relationships to be different, you have to try to approach them differently.
Sometimes other people don't want your relationships to be different, and are happy as they are. This is okay, and is not about you.
Root canals actually aren't that bad. Having to get 4 of them however is NOT GREAT.
Not every behaviour change in a cat is a medical emergency. Sometimes they just like to be a little bit weird.
There is no moral attachment to using TikTok, Instagram or Gaming as a way to self-regulate. Things get better quicker when you just let yourself do it.
Banana's are berries.
Splendid post as always kris! Happy 33rd year on earth, here's to many more,gluten be damned!